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Our story begins 6 thousand years ago when the universe was created in 6 days. Flash forward to the Twin Lakes Elementary School talent show in 2009. A wholesome evening is playing out without a hitch. There is too much gaiety to even begin to describe. The audience is in a state of rapture.
And then…
SIMPL3JACK cuts through the suburban night like a scud missile. The audience is disoriented, expecting yet another Lion King cover song. Outraged teachers begin hyperventilating. Babies scream in horror. One parent allegedly swallows her tongue. The boys had fallen in love. Not as much with each other as with the whole idea of pissing people off with their music. The band was born. But let’s start at the beginning.
At 11:45am on October 17th 1997 Cole Ulysses Apperson is swaddled in a
loincloth and brought home to a tiny beach house on the north shore of Oahu.
Though not immaculately conceived he’s still pretty damn good. People are
struck by his irregular skull and parrot like squawks. He is raised on chicken
nuggets and punk rock. When he is not surfing he is trying to engage complete
strangers in conversations about Jello Biafra.
World mega-star Jack Johnson is a good friend of the family. Jack regales Cole
with stories of his teenage punk band “Limber Chicken.” Cole buys a guitar with
his birthday money. He dreams of starting a punk band and being like Jack.
As legend has it, Wyatt Loratio Cermak could drum a technically flawless
rendition of “Red Barchetta” while still in utero. As his infant peers slogged
through mundane lives filled with shiny toys and babbling, Wyatt is already living
the rock ‘n roll dream. His earliest memories are of hitting on groupies at his
Dad’s concerts. It’s not until he is 4 years old that he realizes the plugs in his
ears are removable. Led Zeppelin enters his consciousness around this age.
John Bonham is the center of his universe. His doting parents happily buy the
lad a drum kit. Thank God the neighbors are 90 years old and deaf. Scientists
estimate that the raw kinetic energy generated by Wyatt since he began to drum
could power the city of Las Cruces, New Mexico for 3.6 minutes.
There is scant information available in the public record about the early years
of one Ryan Melbar Kendall. What does exist is at best sketchy and tainted by
folkloric hyperbole. The oft heard story of him fashioning a Serrape from the
remnants of a Beaver carcass at age 2 is almost certainly false. However his
4 minute family trip to Disneyland, the shortest visit in North American history,
appears by all accounts to be accurate. Also confirmed is his musical bloodline.
The 1929 hit song “A Cottage for Sale”, recorded since by hundreds of artists including Frank Sinatra, James Brown, Roberta Flack and Judy Garland was penned by Larry Conley, Kendall’s grandfather. Of lesser note, though arguably still relevant, is his uncle Chuck’s 1997 karaoke performance of Loverboy’s “Working for the Weekend”—which is still the stuff of legend in and around Norman, Oklahoma and as far away as neighboring McClain County.
Much has transpired since “The SIMPL3JACK incident” at the Twin Lakes talent
show. In addition to an impressive uptick in band testosterone levels, the teen
rockers have had quite a ride these last two years.

Over 100 professional gigs played

Record contract with Holy War Entertainment

Release of debut CD (12 original songs) available on iTunes (But we would rather you get from us at a show)

Internet radio play across the U.S. and Canada of original songs: “Tomorrow” “Song for Meg and “Lizard Wash”

2 featured performances at “Keep the North Shore Country” events in Hawaii

5,000 Facebook Fans and growing

Music video projects underway with several of the hottest directors in the business including Behn Fannin, Michael Granbury, Pete Ohs, and Alfred Hernandez.

Multiple YouTube videos with 10,000 or more views

Famed producer of Black Flag’s legendary “Damaged” album signed on to produce forthcoming EP

Notable fans of the band: Deborah Iyall (founder and singer of Romeo Void), Wade Yeoman (founding member of Unwritten Law), Frank Hannon (founding member and guitarist of Tesla), Barry Melton (founder and guitarist of Country Joe and the Fish)

Don’t be fooled by SIMPL3JACK’s age. These guys mean business and, in the
words of a recent reviewer, “They’re good. REALLY good.”

For more information, contact Holy War Entertainment at